Monthly Archives: September 2020

.after bright.

wonder where I went that day
after being sacked 

i would have gone back home
if I had of had such a thing

i may have looked in the posh shoe 
shop window for comfort

that store figured a lot in my early days
losing myself in the display, styles 
and colours

I bought a pair once
they let me pay the four pounds 
as I did not earn much more than 
that weekly

only on tuesday did we discuss our
lack of money then
now with lockdown
we spend little
though we have


coming in back home with those
shoes she laughed then scolded me

who do you think will look at you
notice you

at work the upholstery assistants

I still like shoes james
and boots

and my home



place became of importance
after not having nothing a while

back then

so moving on

i tell you about my situation back then

she called me in gave me a talking to

a difficult situation
i balanced the books
kept them neatly
sat at the desk obediently 

listened to her & her manager 
though I did not understand 
the chatter 

liked the restaurant staff
counted in & out like they


the next morning I went in
to find another girl at my desk
in the talking to me

she had sacked me & I did

not understand 

I had nowhere to go

now I value my place

yet often do not understand 

ask for things in writing

to read over.

and over


have heard dark stories 
on crossroads
seen the films


i intend to write more about mother 
her slight appearance 
later neatness

her enthusiasm a while for new

if I carefully mentioned I liked them
she would buy the same for me

unfortunately for me

it lasted a while
until she failed

a lockdown

her shape changed with age
as we do

dresses became more the thing
with belts

man made materials
with all those idiosyncrasies 

static and snagging

i walked then too
down the river and along 


.to do.

told her that next I will do the stairs down 

when she asked what that meant

i explained it was how my mother spoke

her language 

to do meant to clean


to do the stairs down

was to sweep then wash them

from top to bottom

she did the bedrooms on thursday

the lounge on monday

et cetera

she cleaned the home a lot

my mother

then in the afternoon if fine

would wash and change and go 

out often to town on the bus

if she was well and buy herself something

she was a size 12 at the top

14 lower down

if she was ill she went to bed early

now I may understand 

too late

so today I may do one of the rooms here 



see the softest looking clouds
if that is where that work came
and the joy of pink?

with gentle grey

the wind blows round our houses
water recedes
stories change

it was later that afternoon that
the rain stopped so we stepped 
out a while 
down to the bell field

three miles there and back
they say

noting the markers are moved

the car park is back open with
a sign of guidelines
to be kind

the grass is being cut at the caravan park 
the tent field flooded

they will come tomorrow 
it will still be quiet today

it feels some folk are the same
no need to hurry
no need for changes yet

there is a mark on my ankle
and it is getting bigger

there is a story regarding work
that keeps changing

no number



i miss her eyes, her looking up, back at me
the sound of her running the stairs scratching the door when it slammed shut in the wind

so i imagine your dog
from the description you gave


got no walk yesterday for heavy rain
nor today by looks of it

things come together
things are changing 

rattles the brain
until things drop into place
and we move forward knowing

i am a fortunate even though

you made a positive change 
i find my words come the same

now with one finger
the pointy one
the one i point with

you know on the bus with her
at horses, helicopters and planes


now I indicate invisible with my mind
unless I forget

though we won’t go on buses now

i count in the last day tomorrow 
for although we must stay safe
i do not want to count forever


i note the weather this morning
from the small bedroom window
the water is up on the field 
while I am dry indoors



awake early to rain on the window
severe piano music from the radio

cosy up a while
with tea

your words took on a different tone than
the cycling tales 

I appreciate this

today here
comes another announcement 
predicted it will be dropping the

present travel restriction 

yesterday came energy
with words from another

with a sudden burst late 
the grass was cut though
was sent cross eyed back

into the house with hunger

new recipe awaited
what I invented &
I expect someone else
invented it before sometime

rhubarb delivered after
from the family garden


to be cooked today
some frozen in small portions

when young I ate it raw
on the bus home from work

my mother told me it clears the blood
while vinegar changed it to water

things to tell a child

I wonder about the taste of tea
as I drink it

about the summer clothes not worn this year
mainly in workwear
with heavy boots
that take days to dry out



just words added together making phrases


programmed I guess
without anyone noticing 

until they do
of course

then comes embarrassment
on realisation

it means nothing

we prefer it this way

i have been imagining and that is all it is

invented scenarios in my mind


how are you guys doing over there now?

at first here it felt difficult for me
for shopping and other tasks

we found our way
now it is the way 

of life

rang the helpline about my laptop james
he says he thinks we are the virus on this
earth that kills the trees and animals 

that kills each other

i walk each day
some days stay dry

forever imagining


have counted & now
the counting stops soon


all is changing

i cleaned the kitchen yesterday
while outside it rain
quite thoroughly

i find that soon i may visit my
family, not be solitary

that i may travel further
that i must still be very

so i cleaned the kitchen
and wondered about it all

i had got used to it james
quite used to it even
enjoyed it

i shall also make changes
now the kitchen is tidy

one +


our thinking changes over time
doesn’t it?

these quiet times of isolation have
affected some
and they become startled at what is
still going on outside

with words and maybe misunderstanding

if there is a question
we  can research it to allow things to grow

they certainly will this weather
so much rain that i remain inside
this morning

no early walk have been soaked twice
right through

hence comes the changes

i photograph at the window
yet you cannot feel the wet
from the image
nor feel the wind
for wind there is this time

perhaps the poet had done his job
for you james
and set you on your path?

you can think of him on your bicycle
his words & patterns
the flow of ideas
& this will remain forever with you

things stay here and sadly it all reappeared
while walking like a film before me in snatches

eliminated on return with the currant bun
the coffee

traces remain hidden for the most part
only to come out on particular
without  warning

she said it without  a warning
& i was horrified


no playlist
no 9.99 a month