Monthly Archives: January 2020

.guttering.

early. you got here first
while i was still asleep

worn out & emotional
the bad sort of tired

i prefer the weariness
that comes from honest
work, walking or travelling

i did none of that yesterday
just fiddling and fretting
over news

the new coal nuggets were
chosen wrong & worked out
good with a steady flames,
fluttering sparks to delight

i mended the roof slate teetering
on the kitchen chair and fixed
the guttering

now there is a juicy word
as is spluttering, a song

to be sung here interrupted
by tap dancing mayhap. so

we talk to each other and
carry on, carry on.

. i do not remember the war .

what to tell you?

as snow falls, small birds shelter

i look at the photographs at my table, the second hand ticks round

should I speak of childhood

or of my family some gone now, while others grow

to write of my interests, my collections

to start

at the beginning

they tell me i was born at home on a sunday

early days

raining days, the pram hood smelled. gabardine.

blue white edging patterned greek style.

sound of water falling, puddled apron,

bread in damp paper, taste of crust corner.

springy, bouncing down green road, my brother

weighting. the other end.

a blanket to pick fluff

&

straps to bind me.

later came other fragments, the whisper of sausages for tea, the promise of marmite,

fragile gas mantles to replace night time candles.

my brothers

three brothers, two born before the war, one born after

i do not remember the war, also born after

the youngest. we all lived together until my father left: I was four &

remember his leaving; he took the radio , a large thing

he carried it high on his shoulder like a trophy

dad came back once, i saw him through the window bringing a doll for me

mother gave it to the girl next door.

early days

as I write this simply, I am aware of that which is remaining unsaid

i feel I was a quiet thing, bit of a mouse really. i am stronger now

since those times I find I have both a half brother and sister, yet do not know them

i was mostly happy, unaware of the undercurrents in life

i enjoyed being alone and still do

two of my brothers were kind, although I did not understand some of their behaviours

with hindsight and education I may do so

at seven, I went to live with the first foster parent.

this changed everything a while. the first of several care situations.

mother was ill

listen to what i do not tell

listen to what i do not tell

you

my brothers

did i tell you

that i walked down the road he lived

some time with his sister

hoping to be seen, recognised & cared for.

my father

later

said he was there if i needed him.

he was not.

.

small birds shelter.

small birds get broken to bits.

.listening.

it rains here most of the week
my respite after drying off being
the stove and an old film or an
anime

things have not worked out as
we hoped; so we will carry on

as we have carried on before
while the music plays. he told

me about his condition and i
was pleasantly not surprised
but pleased

it all makes sense as to why
i like some folk

though some could understand
that we do not all have the same
beliefs
if any

enough today . i will drink
my morning tea and cary on.

listening…..

.lindisfarne.

it was you that made me do it

think back

and wonder if it could have

been different.

it could have

been better.

except it is what it is,

and was just what it was.

i do not expect to time travel

i do not expect a change in history

any time

soon.

she said that we were young then.

i do not remember that i think

i always felt older

i did not ever feel that young thing

except that day with you at sea

when after

they all shouted at me.

come away with me to lindisfarne

.fairy lights.

then i noted the full moon
while now it is clear

i ate all my vegetables
enjoying the potato roast

there were no favourable options
so i said i was not keen on beef
they suggested other meats

i ate all the sprouts instead

on arriving home
i find the fuel is delivered
the bagged logs all neatly

piled
in the wrong place

i shall move them this morning
suitably attired though not in
a suit of course
with a huge grin
i love fuel days

the anxiety failed later in the day
a more comfortable place as i
watched other peoples ways and
opinions

we saw the lights in llandudno

.up river.

yesterday it rained; a storm with a name
i forget
like the designer whose work we saw
last week

i walked from the car and halfway up
the hill i stopped. i never stop usual
i made a rule

i felt the wet coming through to my
skin so stopped

at home i adopted my pyjamas the
rest of the day while clothes dried
by the storage heater
i dried by the stove

it seems to me we both talk a
lot about heating
about our weather
here and there

it is real dark this morning
and while i know it will pass

have a headache and the usual
anxiety

i am asked what is this about
yet i have never discovered the
source

i best look up river

. haircut day.

as for working shoes or boots
mine were expensive in their time
bought with guilt over ten years
now gone thin below

i asked the cobbler how much
to repair
he said too much more even
than the original cost

me with my foot booted on his
counter

my soles get cold
so i bought those woolly things
to put inside at 2.50 per pair

things will last a while longer
while my soul is warmer maybe

a new bike for you this winter
james

you have been good?

my car is mended, came back
too late for the day so we went
by bus up over and past the power
station

with the winter sun slanting up
and back by lunch in time to

light the stove, to do the laundry
enjoyed not having my own
transport a while..

haircut day

.per una orange coat.

i have done that
often

all is quiet here now
day after work unlike
you i am part time there

i had a lift yesterday up
and over the mountain
we chatted about the stress
of bad weather driving in
these parts

i feel fortunate that i have
friends to help when my
car is broke
or
if i am stuck in the village
with snow

earlier i saw phil go to open
the church by the house, he
waved

lady in the coat and pyjamas
asked me if i was going to the
service there. i says no i am going
to work
and to ask phil as i did not know

times of the gatherings

she says i looked like i was dressed
up for church

i did not tell her it is a charity
coat far too big, all orange &
always attracting comments

it was a good day at work
at the counting

.ps to james.

ps

i wonder about the energy when we go
if it does indeed spread back into the source?

and now that so many are angry
how will that work now…….